This Aintarctica

Don't Paint the Town Red. Blue will do.

(This Photo stolen without permission from bigblueglobe.blogspot.com)

According to psychology.about.com, “Blue is one of the most popular colors, but it is one of the least appetizing. Some weight loss plans even recommend eating your food off of a blue plate. Blue rarely occurs naturally in food aside from blueberries and some plums. Also, humans are geared to avoid foods that are poisonous and blue coloring in food is often a sign of spoilage or poison.”

Antarctica has beautiful blue ice and blue skies, too. And, taking a page right off the Internet from psychology.about.com, now the Galley and my stomach are turning blue, too.

I am working with some of the most educated dishwashers in the world; People with more degrees than total pedigrees at the Westminster Dog show. We don’t use our brains to wash a 4-inch hotel pan, so the color of our Galley has not gone unnoticed as we scrape oatmeal out of pans.

McDonald’s restaurants are red and yellow and Burger King is orange and red. When you make a run for the border to Taco Bell, your food is never wrapped in blue. But, at the Galley our food is served on a tray that is the most unappetizing color of blue. It doesn’t seem coincidental, then, that the only people who are required to wear uniforms in Antarctica are the dishwashers. We wear blue.

The object is about money, weight and weight. It costs a lot of money to fly or boat food to Antarctica. So, just like when you pack your backpack before a long hike, “if you mind the ounces the pounds will take care of themselves,” in Antarctica if you mind the amount of food we eat, the bottom line will take care of itself.

The amount of money for each person fed in Antarctica is less than the cost of feeding a prisoner. How after shipping or flying all of this food to Antarctica are our artful chefs able to prepare mostly edible food for less than the price of a death row inmate? Blue.

The blue trays were the first salvo tossed to us in the Galley. Now, they are painting the Galley blue. The entire building that houses the Galley, building 155, has gone blue. The rumor is they will slowly turn our stomachs by painting the entire town blue.

Oddly enough, the Internet says “Blue is often used to decorate offices because research has shown that people are more productive in blue rooms.”

As we work outside, freezing our asses to the color red, for reasons we won’t understand we will want to work hard for the man. Productivity will rise as our weight declines. We’ll be burning calories working in frozen conditions and then as we approach the Galley, our stomachs will psychologically begin to constrict. Further constrictions will occur as we load our food onto blue trays as the speakers in the Galley continually play “Blue Christmas,” over and over again.

We would like to revolt, but our bodies are slowly atrophying. And, while it may seem bad for being one-step and five blueberries away from scurvy, our company is thrilled. Thanks to our diminished weight, it will now cost less to fly us home.